Q: Can I control when I cum?

A: Absolutely — there are several things you can do to slow down.

But before we get to them, we’d like to ask you to think about a couple of questions. These are, “How fast is too fast?”, and “Too fast for whom?” We ask you to think about these questions because many men feel insecure about their sexual staying power, and compare themselves to the fantasy standards of porno movies where guys seem to stay hard and last for hours.

So, please think about this a bit. Is this something that you want to do because you want to increase your pleasure, or is it something you want to do to improve your partner’s pleasure? If it’s for your partner, have you talked to him or her about it? If not, you might find out that they’re perfectly happy with things as they stand.

That said, here are a few things you can do to last longer.

• Masturbate to orgasm an hour or two before you have sex. Many men find that it takes longer for them to come when they’ve already come recently.
• Wear a condom. In addition to helping prevent unwanted pregnancy and STD transmission, condoms can reduce sensation so you can last longer.
• The best approach is to get to know your body and to teach yourself to last longer through masturbation. Most men report that there’s a point where they haven’t come yet but know they’re about to and can’t stop it. The idea is to recognize when your body is before that point, and then to stop or slow down. In other words, before you get to the point where you know you’re going to come, you want to recognize when you’re close to going over the edge but you can still pull back. The goal is to masturbate and experiment to find this point.

This technique is described in detail in the book The New Male Sexuality. It really works, and exercises for practicing the technique are fun, too!

There are few techniques for temporary delay of ejaculation. These are for occasional use, and is not a substitute for learning how to control ejaculation through the ways mention above.

• The Million Dollar Point. When you are near orgasm, put a finger or two on your perinium and push in. The perinium is the middle point between the scrotum and the anus. In many men, you can press relatively hard here, hold it, and delay orgasm temporarily.
• The Glans Pinch. When you are near orgasm, put your thumb on top of the penis head, and index and middle finger underneath, pinch together firmly. In many men, you can pinch relatively hard here, hold it, and delay orgasm temporarily.

For more information…

This book is available at most bookstores that have halfway decent health sections:

• The New Male Sexuality, Revised Edition by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D., published by Bantam Books (1992) [Buy]
  The revised classic book on sex information for men.